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[07 Dec 2004|11:12pm] |
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i am sick of everyone and everything.
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[07 Dec 2004|09:08pm] |
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mood |
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You Know You're Addicted to Smoking When...
You put scotch tape on a broken one.
You only smoke half of the cigarette so you can start on the next one sooner.
A big white truck with the picture of a camel rolls up to your house twice a week with your supply of smokes.
You are considering changing your name to Malboro.
You smoke in the shower.
You've convinced yourself that second-hand smoke is not harmful if you inhale really really deeply.
Your children are named: Winston, Philip Morris and Misty.
R.J. Reynolds sends you a Christmas card.
You're waiting for the last few pews to become a designated smoking area before you'll go back to church.
People invite you outside to admire the stars, and it's daytime.
Every time you light up a cigarette your family stops, drops and rolls.
Your family's Christmas wish list consists of gas masks, fire extinguishers and air fresheners.
You have an environmental awareness group protesting on your lawn.
Your family goes to Los Angeles for fresh air.
Your friends have named their secondhand smoke related coughs after me.
Your cat has taken to wearing "The Patch"
Your family uses fog horns to navigate around you.
Just watching the 400 metre race during the Olympics makes you tired.
The local iron lung dealer sends you their product brochures.
Phillip Morris sends you their annual report and thanks you for your help.
You recently read somewhere that your former cigarette manufacturer went out of business shortly after you switched to a new brand.
Your doctor [excitedly] asks for your permission to use your lung x-rays at his next "Quit Smoking" seminar.
You take baths because the shower puts 'em out
Your nickname at work is "Breakroom."
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Smoking.
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| Thinkng is never good! |
[06 Dec 2004|08:26pm] |
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mood |
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lately ive been getting back into my thinking moods. any one who knows me knows that this isnt good. i have come to the conclusion that everyone in the world or mostly in the world is a backstabber. in one way or another we are all guilty. we all accuse people of things that they may or may not have done. we lie...if not to others then to ourselves. we all talk behind peoples backs. these are attributes of everyone.
today during sixth period i had come to the conclusion that i dont have many friends. i have friends but i mean people that truely mean something to me and who wont judge me and who are always there regardless. and i just want to say thank you to them. :) and that is the point of my entry to say thank you to them for being them and for loving me. a.d.d. hahaha im so cheesey for saying this but you a.d.d. happiness to my life
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[30 Nov 2004|06:51pm] |
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[17 Oct 2004|12:39am] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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i have always been one rose short of a dozen!
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[12 Oct 2004|07:14pm] |
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someone take a gun and shoot me with it!
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[10 Oct 2004|09:09pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
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sometimes i feel like my life is on repeat and im living everything over and over.
i just want to go on to the next song and live the rest of my life with every second a different beat
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[08 Oct 2004|11:55pm] |
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mood |
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will i ever find someone who will say
"i will hold on and never let go"
with my luck i never will
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[25 Sep 2004|12:34am] |
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mood |
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ive cried a million and one tears and i can cry no more
i have spilled my blood, my veins have run dry
please dont ask anymore questions i have run out of answers
dont walk away because i can no longer run
you can no longer call, because i ran out of minutes
please stop asking why, because i dont know why
please leave me alone, becasue i just want to be alone
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[20 Sep 2004|07:11pm] |
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mood |
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HATED!
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[19 Sep 2004|12:19am] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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shit happens...and if you lose something in the process then you lose it
life goes on with or without it
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[12 Sep 2004|10:41pm] |
it no longer matters how i feel things happen wheather i want them to or not. it always me who has to get over it and if you dont like my ways of dealing with it then buzz off asswipe. when will the day come when i get to be happy. you said it yourself you are never the happy one. but neither am i. i wind up hurting myself more.
i need to get the fuck out of floral park. i hate this place with a fucking burning passion there maybe only a few people i like but the rest need to die and burn. i hate the way when something happens the fucking world knows about it and i cant stand it. people need to fucking keep there mouths closed.
if you are going to talk behind my fucking back then i rather have you tell it to me. it may hurt me but god im fucking use to it.
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i will forgive but i wont forget. i just want you to know you lost my respect
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i hate when a song says the way i feel. i feel like slicing myself open when i hear it
ps. sorry about the anger... actually im not im in a bitch mood and i dont care anymore
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[11 Sep 2004|12:12am] |
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haha... FUCK YOU!
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[29 Aug 2004|12:12am] |
things arent the same as before everything has changed...yeah somethings changed for the better but some for the worst. now im at a stand still i want things to go back to the way things were but there are so many reasons why i dont
every minute that goes by things change...its gonna happen either way so there is no point in trying to stop it...but sometimes i wish i could
you have the friends you had for many years and then you have the friends that you just made...but somehow when you bring those two groups together things go wrong and you have to decide...honestly if anyone would make me make that decision i wouldnt be able to i would lose out on both friendships because i wouldnt want to choose anyone over anything but things happen
and the friend that you said you would never lose contact with you have even if you see them everyday things arent the same as they were that is all that can be said
ps. this isnt pointed at anyone its just me talking my normal bullshit
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[27 Aug 2004|06:55pm] |
at danas house waiting of her to come home so we can go back to floral park only to go to the mall and then to suffren to drop ashley home...
i love you guys im so glad that you guys came to visit me ... we better do this more often because if we dont im gonna killlll you
anyway...i have nothing to do right now because this bitch its takking her sweet ass time to come home...i have place to go people to see...hahah lol no i dont...i have no friends but anyway yeah this is another one of my pointlesss entries and i dont know what else to say but i love this keyboard so im gonna keep on writing...i want this keyboard hopefully she wont mind that i stole it...lol
any...ahhh i got the coolest gift today from dana...its a hand cuff braclet...its soo kinky..hahaha
well danas back so now i got to jet...
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[21 Aug 2004|01:17am] |
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confusion
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[02 Aug 2004|12:44am] |
im not who you wanted me to be
and im not who i wanted either
so deal with it
leave me alone
STOP JUDGING ME!
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[29 Jul 2004|11:58pm] |
honestly i dont even know why im writing this. i dont really want anyone to read it but i guess if i keep writing about random things i wouldnt have to think about whats bothering me.
i love my lj name..its so true. heaven only knows how we feel and what we truly want. no one expresses their true self to anyone except maybe to themselves but still there is a part of you that tries to deny some of the aspects that make you, you.
i hate the fact that i dont like who i am. im not happy with the way i am and I HATE THE FACT THAT IM COMPLAINING ABOUT THIS but i dont have a diary and im sick of keeping my thoughts to myself that i just had to write it down..somewhere.
i dont care if you hate this entry because i dont really care about what people say about me anymore.
i have a question. how can you try to be you when the whole world wants you to be someone else. in school they say to be an individual. but when you go out into the real world no company is going to higher some one with a thousand peircings...or a bunch of tattoos or someone who decides to dress like a fucking hobo.
there is so much more to say that is just unable to be expressed in words.
---just remember things happen for a reason...you dont always need to
know what that reason is---
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[17 Jun 2004|07:44am] |
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LIFE SUCKS!
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| the end |
[09 Jun 2004|05:59pm] |
once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines he wrote a poem
and he called it "chops" because that was the name of his dog
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A and a gold star
and his mother hung it on the kitchen door and read it to his aunts
that was the year father tract took all the kids to the zoo
and he let them sing on the bus
and his little sister was born with tiny toenails and no hair
and his mother and father kissed a lot
and the girl around the corner sent him a valentine singed with a row of x's and he had to ask his father what the x's meant
and his father always tucked him in bed at night
and was always there to do it
once on a piece of white paper with blue lines he wrote a poem
and he called it "autumn" because that was the name of the season
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A and asked him to write more clearly
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because of the new paint
and the kids toled him that father tracy smoked cigars
and left butts on the pews
and sometimes they would burn holes
that was the year his sister got glasses with thick lenses and black frames
and the girl around the corner laughed when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
and the kids told him why his mother and father kissed a lot
and his father never tucked him in bed at night
and his father got mad when he cried for him to do it
once on a pare torn from his notebook he wrote a poem
and he called it "innocence: a question" because that was the question about his girl
and that's what it was all about
and his professor gave him an A and a strange steady look
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door becasue he never showed her
that was the year that Father Tracy died
and he forgot how the end of the Apostle's Creed went
and he caught his sister making out on the back porch
and his mother and father never kissed or even talked
and the girl around the corner wore too much makeup
that made him cough when he kissed her but he kissed her anyway because that was the thing to do
and at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed his father snoring soundly
That's why on the back of a brown paper bag he tried another poem
and he called it "absolutely nothing"
because that's what it was really all about
and he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned writs
and he hung it on the bathroom door because this time he didn't think he could reach the kitchen
---best poem ever..this is the end of my live jounral---
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